The Life of A Ladybug

Nappy-headed activist?

While in North Carolina over this past weekend, Vic and I visited the Museum of the New South.  It's quite a fascinating place - I love that the exhibits are so interactive.  One of the exhibits was about African Americans' natural hair and the images/stereotypes/what-have-you that go along with it, at least, in this country.  The exhibit mostly consisted of quotes on the walls, recalling old stories about how Black people wound up "cursed" with this hair, jars full of "cockleburrs" and audio of racist taunts about the nappyness of African hair.

I walked out of the exhibit enraged.  After giving myself time to calm down, I asked myself why I found the exhibit so hard to stomach.  And I realized that it brought up so much in me.  Honestly, when I decided to go natural about four years ago, I hadn't really thought it through all the way.  I just remember being tired.  I was just plain tired of the same old, same old after 18 years.  I was tired of getting my hair burnt into submission every six weeks, only to have it fight back after two.  I was tired of the smell of the chemicals, of sitting under the hair dryer for two hours at a time because, though straightened, my thick hair would refuse to dry completely, as if it were her last ditch effort at resistance.  I was tired of the gossip and headaches of waiting hours in salon.  I was just tired.  And I wanted a change.  I wanted to be able to feel free and as if I was capable of taking care of my own hair.  So I just stopped.  I stopped it all - the salon visits, the touch-ups, the chemicals.

It didn't go over well with everyone.  Vic didn't fight me on it, but I could tell he was terrified at the prospect of having a kinky-headed wife.  The first time he saw me with my new short afro, he looked perplexed.  He had no idea why I would do that to myself and said as much.  My grandmother (and his) both balked at my cutting off my long, straight hair to wind up with naps.  Why would I want to do that???  My aunt continually made comments about how she didn't think anyone looked good with natural hair, particularly people with big, round heads (that would be me, I'm guessing).  The only one who accepted me without any backtalk was my daughter and she was a baby.  But I loved it.  I still do.  I love not having to wonder "What am I going to do with my hair" when I go on vacation.  I love being able to jump into a pool with not a second thought.  I love walking bareheaded in the rain.  I love sweaty nights of sex without worrying about my kitchen kinking up.

I had convinced myself that that was all it was. That I just wanted my freedom.  I convinced myself that I didn't think making the choice to sport natural hair was any different than making the choice to sport straightened hair.  But I don't know why I talked myself into that.  In the back of my mind, I've always known that it's not that easy or that simple.  I've always known that the very essence of my being is militant - always has been.  I am the last to cave to authority.  I am the first to question.  I am the first one ready to march, boycott, pop someone in the mouth.  I'm a fighter, for good or ill.  And yeah, I know that my head full of Sisterlocks might not go over well everywhere.  Yeah, I knew when I walked into my agency with a huge 'fro folks were gonna look at me with the cut eye (they were giving me "Madam" all over the place!).  I knew that I'd opened myself up to comments.  I relished in being able to snap at folks who told me that my hair was unprofessional (my comeback: I dare management to say it.  They'll have a discrimination lawsuit on their hands so fast it'll make their head spin).  I absolutely flaunted my nappyness as hard as I could.

Admit it or not, choosing to rock a natural is a political statement.  For me, that statement is, "I will not be dictated to.  I will not concede to your idea of beauty.  I will set my own standard."  It's so nice to meet eyes with another woman who rocks the locks or an afro or braids or whatnot.  It feels like we share a certain something.  I don't knock the choice of my girls who don't have any desire to grow out their perms, but I've made a different choice and I stand by it ... with my fist raised.

Today, I'm in solidarity.

50+thousand, y'all. 

Last night's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Neutrogena Alcohol-Free Toner
• Avon Anew Eye Serum
• Avon Night Age Fighting Serum (or whatever it's called)

Today's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Olay Age Defying Eye Serum
• Clean & Clear Acne Advantage Treatment
• Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel
• Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture SPF15

Today's make-up:

• Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit in Golden/Pale Yellow
• MAC Studio Fix Powder in NC45
• Fresh eyeshadow in Kona - used to fill in my brows
• MAC Studio Finish Concealer in NC42 - used under brows and on lids as highlight - applied with my finger and then blended with a MAC 224SE brush
• MAC Kohl Power Eye Pencil in Raven
• L'Oreal Voluminous Carbon Black Mascara - two coats on top lashes only
• Laura Mercier Creme Cheek Colour in Canyon
• Laura Mercier Cheek Colour in Blushing Apple
• Softlips Lip Balm in Strawberry Sherbet
• Wet 'N Wild Lipstick in 508A - used to line lips and then smushed my lips together to get a nice wine-colored stain
• Rimmel Volume Boost Lipgloss in Bossy - This has become a staple in my make-up wardrobe.  It's time to get another one.

Today's fragrance:

Fresh Sugar eau de parfum

Today's outfit:

• black s/s tee w/lace yoke and sleeves from Torrid
• black double-button pants from New York & Company
• silver cuff bracelets
• silver filigree ring
• silver thumb rings
• silver bamboo earrings
• wedding set
• black mock-croc pointy-toed mary jane heels by Isaac Mizrahi for Target
• large white handbag from www.baghaus.com

Justice for the Jena 6

Okay, I'm not going to go on and on about this situation because others have done it far better than me, and, if you're truly interested, there's a wealth of information out there on the Internet.

What I will say is this: While this blog is primarily about beauty, that's not all it's about.  This blog is about my life and the things that matter to me.  And I am a Black woman.  An African American (whichever floats your boat).  Those kids down there in Jena are important to me.  Mychal Bell could be my brother (I even have a younger brother named Michael).  This thing affects me.

So, let it be known ... I will be wearing all black tomorrow in solidarity with those who are there or are making their way down there - to protest, peacefully, against the injustices perpetrated against Mychal Bell and the others.  If I did not have a four-year-old and other obligations, I would be on my way down there myself.  As Dr. King once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."  I applaud all those who are taking a stand against racial injustice.

Equal protection.  The power of the people.  Peaceful protest.  Racial justice.

Those are beautiful things.

Hotter than Hell: Taimak

In honor of Tonyette and Meloni, who noted Danny's resemblance to Taimak and in horror at the idea that Meloni's coworker has never seen The Last Dragon (How is that even possible???  This person was deprived of all sorts of cheesetastic, 80s fun and sexiness!  I am still praying that, one day, Taimak will appear spontaneously and offer to teach me some moves), I felt compelled to honor the hotness flashback that is Taimak.

He is yummilicious.  He was yummilicious as a dork who just so happened to be a karate king.  He was yummilicious when he was beat up and wet because Shonuff was drowning him in that vat of water in that industrial warehouse or whereever the heck it was that they were keeping Vanity.  He was yummiliciouser (new word!) when he popped out of that water, eyes ablazing, covered in "The Glow!"  (Who's the Master??? He IS!)  If I didn't already have a baby daddy, Taimak could be him, no questions asked.

Anyone who has not seen The Last Dragon (Shame on you!), run out and rent it TONIGHT!  Give yourself lovely dreams.

A hot mess

Remember when BET used to be relevant?  Yeah, I hardly remember, either.

On the drive back from the post office, a commercial for BET's new line-up "The July Jump-Off" came on the radio.  All of the shows sounded ridiculous, but the worst was the announcement that they have made the website Hot Ghetto Mess into a television show, hosted by Charlie Murphy.  The tagline is, "People, we have got to do better!"  Here's my thing: If what you want is for your people to do better, then how is it helping to broadcast their tomfoolery all over the airwaves for all and sundry to see?  Do you really think that someone who has done something foolish and has been declared "a hot ghetto mess" is gonna see herself on that show and think, "You know what?  I need to change"???  No.  If the person has a lick of sense, she will be embarrassed and enraged.  If she has none, she will be happy that she had 15 seconds of fame and will keep it moving, probably even stepping up her ridiculous behavior because she'll feel that it's been validated.  In either case, no one has been helped, no one has learned, no one's life has improved.

I can't believe that a station that calls itself "Black Entertainment Television" would promote some garbage like this.  The station isn't even owned by a Black person/family anymore - it's owned by the same folks who own MTV.  If it was still owned by a Black person, I'd say that he had sold his brothers and sisters out to line his own pockets.  In this case, our brothers and sisters are being sold to the highest bidder, to line the pockets of folks who don't even look like us.  Sound familiar?

People, we have got to do better than that.

Say it loud! (African influence on the runway)

The New York Times has a pictorial about the African influences on the runways this season, featuring the gloriously gorgeous Liya Kebede.  Click the link to see the pictures (scroll all the way to the bottom on the lefthand side):

http://www.nytimes.com/indexes/2007/02/25/style/t/index.html

Why bother?

As a Black woman who regularly blogs about things that are of note to other Black women and/or Black people, I thought that maybe I should post something about this whole Don Imus mess.  And then, I thought to myself, "Why bother?"  I mean, really, hasn't everything that could be said, on both sides of the issue, already been said?  Yesterday, when I watched Imus and Al Sharpton on the Today show, I laughed out loud because I already knew what Imus' arguments would be before he made them.  And, sure enough, he finally bust out with, "Well, I wasn't the one who made up the term 'nappy-headed hos'.  Black men call Black women that all the time."  Yeah.  Good one, Imus.  Jeez.

You know, he's right, though.  Black men all over the place do say such things and you can hear that phrase and even worse things in a lot of our popular music.  Huh.  And yet, we're up in arms when this old White dude says it.  Now, believe me, Don Imus is rightfully being raked over the coals for what he said.  I say, let him grovel.  Two weeks suspension is offensive - he's being given a vacation for spouting racist, misogynistic crap over the airwaves.  But, for real?  It's what he's always done, no?  Isn't this his schtick?  Saying mean, cruel, nasty things is what's kept him on the air so long and keeps his listeners coming back for more.  Because he's only saying out of his mouth what many of them have been thinking, but have been too scared to say.  He's getting paid to spew the trash that populates others' thoughts.  Wow.

Are we really wasting our time on this man?  It's pointless to appeal to Don Imus, who contends that he's a "good man who said a bad thing."  Perhaps.  Perhaps he's just a bad man, who doesn't even cover it that well.  Whatever.  What concerns me more is that we're focusing on him.  Who cares what he thinks or says?  No, he shouldn't be allowed to use the public airwaves to spew his bile.  He should be fired immediately.  But, in the long run, this dude isn't important at all.  What he said doesn't negate the achievements the Rutgers women's basketball team made.  Him calling them "nappy-headed hos" doesn't make them so.  Hell, he could comment on my blog today and call me the same - doesn't make it true.  Now, if I called him a nasty old rat bastard jackass... well, the truth hurts.

Vote for Kiri, please!

You may remember that, a while back, I talked about a short film, "A Girl Like Me," made by a young girl, Kiri, showing how, even today, young Black children, particularly young Black girls, do not value themselves as beautiful.  Well, Kiri has entered the CosmoGirl film contest and she is in last place right now, but coming on strong, thanks to Afrobella, who has asked her readers to vote for Kiri.  I am joining Afrobella in that effort.  Kiri's film is important - we need to talk about why little Black girls don't think they're beautiful ... what are they seeing in the media that's saying otherwise?

I know that all my readers aren't Black women, but you don't have to be Black to care about the plight of Black girls.  White women are subject to negative messages about their beauty, image, and worth, too.  And if one little girl thinks she's ugly, it hurts all of us.

Please watch the film and vote for Kiri!  Click here!

Jennifer Hudson on the cover of Vogue!

Okay, so this isn't the best picture ever, but hot damn!  A big Black woman on the cover of Vogue Magazine!  God bless you, Uncle Andre!

Kramer v. Kramer

Okay, so I haven't really mentioned the whole Michael Richards debacle here because I needed time to think about and process it.  There are so many things I'd like to say that I don't even know where to begin.  I hope this doesn't become a whole jumbled-up mess of a rant, but, if so, oh well.  Y'all know I'm pretty passionate about such things.

I'm not sure why anybody is all that shocked by this.  Does racism still shock us?  Really?  Seriously???  (Okay, you can totally tell that I love Grey's Anatomy.)  Black folk, please.  People are getting up in arms over his comments and I think that's ludicrous.  This man is now on the World Wide Woe Tour 2006 with personal appearances on Letterman and the radio broadcasts of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, supposedly to make apologies for what he's done.  First of all, the apologies are insincere.  I don't buy it, Richards.  Would you have apologized if your comments hadn't been caught on camera (thank God for cellphone video, huh?) or would you have pretended it didn't happen?  If you really wanted to apologize for the harm you've caused, you'd apologize to the harmed ... the two young men to whom your vitriolic comments were directed.  Don't apologize to me - I don't give a damn what you think about Black people.  Also ... Jesse Jackson has a radio program???  Since when?  Please know, Michael Richards, that Jesse and Al aren't the Kings of Blacktown.  They don't speak for me.  Secondly, why would we even expect him to apologize for something he obviously meant?  Don't pull my leg.  I would rather you hate me to my face, then say those things behind my back.

Also, I have to say that I'm disappointed in the young men.  Yes, I think they genuinely were hurt by the racist attack.  But, for real?  Hiring Gloria Allred to do the national tour of television shows, announcing that y'all are due money for the pain and suffering?  Please.  Please do not tell me that you've never experienced racism before.  What did you do then?  Did you sue those folks?  Or are you capitalizing on the fact that the racist in question is wealthy?

And, while I have you all here, let's tell the truth.  To borrow a phrase from Brother Malcolm, this is a case of the chickens coming home to roost.  Don't get up on comedy stages and call fellow Black people "niggers" or use your hip-hop fame to do it, or even do it in your personal life and then get upset when a White man uses the word.  If it's not okay for him, it's not okay for you.  If that word didn't have any power or if you've "reclaimed" it like you say you have, then why are you upset at its usage?  And what do you mean "reclaimed"?  When did we ever "claim" it in the first place?  The word "nigger" hurts, doesn't it?  If it hurts when it comes from his mouth, it should hurt when it comes from your own.  Remember how this feels the next time you're tempted.