The Life of A Ladybug

I want ...

... my nails back, I think.  I have nice, long fingernail beds and I think I have nice hands, but my nails aren't very strong.  They get to a certain length and they break.  I've always felt that ones hands usually look prettier with nails - at least, mine do.  And I particularly love having nails when I wear rings, which I do almost every day.  I had acrylics for years, then got rid of them when I had my daughter.  Then I went back to them awhile and got rid of them again.  It goes in cycles.  I think I'm back to the point of wanting nails.  I don't know ...

The Neverending Story!

Today, while doing my workout at Curves, the theme song to "The Neverending Story" came on.  Please tell me y'all saw that movie!  I loved it so much that I watched it almost every day for years.  I still become engrossed whenever I see it on cable.  Loved that movie!  I wasn't the only one, either.  I had a boyfriend who seriously asked me if we could name our first son Atreyu Bastian.  Um ... no.  Thank God I never had children with him - there's no telling what they would have been named, the poor souls.

Speaking of Curves (kind of), I got my first "report card" this past Monday.  In one month, I lost six pounds and 1.5 inches!  Go me!

Bitter no more

Last night, as I was driving home, I heard Joe's "All of the Things Your Man Won't Do."  You know how it goes: "Baby, I wanna do ... all of the things your man won't do!  I'll do them for you!"  I had an instant flashback.  When I entered college, I was dating L.  He had been my high school sweetheart.  We were together for over a year.  When I went off to college, he went off to a military academy.  We grew apart, of course, not only from distance, but because his personality changed.  His military training made him a man used to having his orders followed and he tried to boss me around.  Nuh-uh.  Not the kid.  He had to go. 

Enter KJP.  I couldn't stand him in the beginning, yet slowly, but surely, he grew on me and we wound up diggin' on each other.  I finally broke up with L. and KJP became my new man.  The whole time he was trying to woo me away from L, he would sing that Joe song.  He even dedicated songs to me on the radio.  Anyway ... hearing that song made me think about him for the first time in a while.  I remembered how young I was while we were together (though I felt grown).  I remembered the newness of it, the fun of being his girlfriend, how very strange he was (LOL!).  For once, I thought abou tall the great things in our relationship and not about how badly it ended.

See, KJP wound up cheating on me - in a big way.  We'd been together over four years and we'd talked about getting married.  And yet ... it ended really, really badly.  I was heartbroken.  I tried to run him over with my car (I'm not proud of it).  For years, I stayed bitter.  I could not or would not forgive him for how he'd hurt me, after all that time together and all the plans we'd made.  But last night ... I felt none of the old hurt, anger, or unforgiveness.  All I felt was nostalgia - I had fond memories of a young man who loved me (as only a teenager/early 20something can), who was my friend and confidante.  I thanked God for those memories, freely forgave KJP for any hurt he'd caused me, prayed for forgiveness for any hurt I'd cause him and let it go.

So ... I know it is a snowball's chance in hell that he'll ever read this.  And I doubt that anyone who knows him (and still stays in contact, Mel!) will, but I believe in intention.  The intention of this post is to let him know that I forgive him and that I pray that he's found the love in his life that I've found in mine and that, if he hasn't, it'll reach him.

I'm not swole anymore, dude.  Hope you can feel that.

A couple things I don't get ...

1. Why would you sit in your car and eat lunch when it's 90-some-odd degrees outside?  First of all, it's hot as Hades outside.  That's not my thing, but I do understand that some people like roasting-type temperatures.  Fine.  But if what you want is to sit outside and eat in the blazing sun, we have lovely tables on the patio where you can do just that.  We also have benches and even (gasp!) grass that you could sit on.  Why, then, would you go all the way to your car, get in it, roll the windows down and eat?  Is that more comfortable than laying your food out on a table?  Do you like being suffocated - there is actually a bit of breeze blowing, wouldn't you be more likely to get some of that if you were actually out there rather than in the stuffy car?  It's weird!
2. In other parking lot-related conundrums, why do people ride their freakin' motorcycles to work and park in the car spaces???  I get why people are riding their motorcycles to work - it saves on gas (and don't think I'm not envious because I am).  But hey, bikers - we actually have motorcycle parking spaces!  Try parking in 'em!!!  It's bad enough that I have to pay car-sized gas bills, but to get to work and find your tiny little bike parked in a space that could accommodate my actual car-sized car is really beyond the beyond.  Quit it.

Today's Tiny Toya

No, nothing is wrong.  If you're looking at Tiny Toya and wondering why she's sporting that beautifully glossy black head of quite wavy hair, it is not because I have decided to go back to relaxing or have dyed my hair.  Today, I danced at the Holistic Health Fair here at work and wore a wig.  A very long, wavy, flippy, glossy wig.  It was part of the costume.  Nothing more.  I will be snatching it off as soon as I get home.  This reminds me why I am happy that I don't have long, relaxed hair anymore.  This morning, it got stuck to my lipgloss and, at one point, I thought something was crawling on me because it was touching my neck - ick!  Bring back the afro puff!!!!

Today's questions

1. Why don't my favorite songs on any CD ever get made into singles?  Am I the only one in the world who likes those songs?  Like, for instance, my favorite song on Beyoncé's BDay CD is "Sugar Mama".  Am I the only one who likes that?  And, if so, what is wrong with my musical taste?  Or everyone else's?

2. Yesterday, I went into Walgreen's to buy maxi pads and "personal cleansing cloths" (or, as my Aunt Nette calls them, "cat wipes").  The lady behind me in line tsk-ed and went "Oh, Lord" when she saw what I was buying.  I turned around and gave her a withering look of contempt and she blushed and looked away.  My questions are: 1) Um, from the looks of things (one never can tell), she was a woman.  Has she never had a period before?  Has she never bought her own sanitary napkins and whatnot?  What was tsk worthy - the pads or the cat wipes?  Is the idea that I like to wipe the cat between pad changes somehow offensive to her?  Is it that she doesn't use cat wipes and thinks they're unnecessary?  That whole thing was just weird to me.  I mean, damn - am I supposed to skulk about in shame, hoping no one realizes that I have a period or, even worse, a vagina???

3. While we're on the subject of cat wipes, it just occurred to me ... aren't they just glorified baby wipes?  And, if so, why didn't I just buy a pack of baby wipes, which would have cost less?  Duh.  Next time, I'll do that.

4. Why do I have to work on such a glorious day?

5. Aren't wrap dresses the best single piece of clothing ever invented?

Things I Learned Yesterday

1. Target pillows far surpass Wal-Mart pillows.  A few months ago, I bought some Wal-Mart pillows ... they're already flat.  Target pillows are awesome.  One more reason why I can't stand Wal-Mart.

2. They have Jamie Foxx, Beyoncé and Eddie Murphy as the stars of Dreamgirls.  Whoever "they" are, they're lying to themselves.  Jennifer Hudson is far and away the star of that movie.  And putting her at the very end of the credits, even if it does say "Introducing Jennifer Hudson" was dirty.

3. If Beyoncé is telling the truth when she says that she isn't at all jealous of Jennifer, then she's obviously the second coming of Christ, or, at least, a darn sight better human being than I am.  There is no way that there isn't at least a kernel of jealousy in her soul about how much acclaim Jennifer has gotten as a result of her performance.  'Cause let me tell you right now ... I pride myself on not being a jealous human being, but if I were Be, I would be salty as the Dead Sea and hot as fish grease.  Yesterday, in the theater, the entire audience gave Jennifer a standing ovation after she sang "And I Am Telling You" and we knew good and well that girl couldn't hear or see us.  But after Be sang "Listen", which, let me admit - I like that song a lot and think Beyoncé sounds great - there was one person clapping in the audience ... one.  And it was a "golf clap".  As talented as Ms. Knowles is, she can't hold a candle to Jennifer when it comes to either acting or singing.  Jennifer tore Beyoncé's face off in that movie. 

4. Despite the fact Beyoncé cannot act, she looked fierce in that movie.  I will be jocking the fashion and the make-up.

5. As ugly as it is to see people in cute clothes wearing their every day tennis shoes with it, it might be a good idea if you're like me and have to walk across your mother's swamp of a front yard at least twice a day.

My results from a really mean, but pretty accurate personality test

Busy Body- ENFJ 80% Extraversion, 80% Intuition, 40% Thinking, 53% Judging

You manipulative busybody! You're what some might call the "backseat driver" of life. You know, the one who knows exactly what everyone else is doing wrong and how they should go about fixing it. You're always trying to change everyone else. The strange thing is, you can generally get whoever you want, to do whatever you want. What's that? You want me to stop insulting you...well, alright...but only because you asked so nic...WAIT A MINUTE! Stop sticking your cumbersome nose where it aint't wanted. You're like an oversized sniffer dog, trained to sniff out everyone else's problems, yet oblivious to your own. For one you worry excessively. The fact that you're also incredibly sensitive to criticism probably has you on the verge of tears right now. Get a grip. You have powers of manipulation unlike any other. You know all the gossip and you know how to ultimately use it as blackmailing material. You could potentially be the ultimate evil villain... if not for the fact you choose to use all of your powers for good, rather than evil. How honourable. How admirable and praiseworthy. How pathetic. While you're helping others out and pushing them into the limelight, you're left in the background to inhale the dirty smoke of their success. Nice one.

At Rachel's request ... Pontificating about character

So, Rachel's reply to my "Feel free ..." post was to ask me to "pontificate on character."  I shall attempt to do so and hope my replies are what you're looking for, Rach!

What is the #1 quality you look for in a friend or partner?

Well, if I have to pick a #1, I would say honesty.  I know that's what everyone says, but I really mean it.  I like it when people tell me the truth.  I know that sometimes the truth is hard for me to hear, but I respect a person more when (s)he can share honest thoughts, without worry that our friendship or relationship will suffer.  All my closest friends share this trait.  There have been times when their honesty has caused me pain - when I've been told that I'm jealous, or have acted in an ignorant manner, or that I need to shut up.  But, after I get over my initial defensiveness and evaluate what the person has had to say, (s)he is almost always right.  I pride myself on my ability to accept and absorb criticism when it is given in a spirit of love.  What I have found with those honest people in my life is that they are able to share their unbiased thoughts and opinions without trying to cut me down.  Too many people lack tact and compassion.  There are times when I am lacking in the tact department myself, so I surround myself with people who can balance me out in that regard.  Thank God for Kim, who has, on numerous occasions, gently and kindly reminded me that there are different ways in which to say what I think.  Her tact has saved me more than once.

So, with that in mind, my #2 requirement is compassion.  I am thankful that I am a compassionate person.  I can see beyond myself and feel the needs of others and respond to those needs.  And I want people in my life who are also like that.  I am continually frustrated by people who seem to lack basic human kindness and compassion, people who can look at the suffering of others and just not seem to give a damn.  I wonder if there is a special place in hell for such folks.  (Okay, see there?  Lack of tact.  sigh)

What is the single most annoying quality a person can have?

A negative spirit.  Not pessimism (my husband, God love him, is a pessimist of the highest order sometimes and it really frustrates me), but negativity.  A person who is contrary just for the hell of it.  Who goes out of her way to rain on everybody's parade.  Who can never be happy for anyone or share anyone's joy.  Who reminds you over and over again that her life isn't going just as she planned it.  A person who refuses to celebrate the miracle of life without saying that life didn't come wrapped in the pretty, pretty package she requested.  Such people make me want to slap the taste out of their mouths. 

What are your best and worst qualities?  How do you celebrate your best qualities and adapt around your worst?

I would say my best quality is my depth of feeling.  That's kind of an awkward way to put it, but what I mean is that I feel everything, everything really, really deeply.  Gah!  Why can't I explain what I mean?  Okay, here it is - I'm a drama queen.  Everything is very melodramatic in my life.  When I am angry, I am furious.  When I find something funny, I laugh until there are tears streaming down my face or I have a spit take and spew Coke (or whatever beverage) everywhere.  When I think a commercial, TV show, song or whatever is sad, I bawl.  When I love, I love with every inch of my body and soul.  And when I can't stand you?  Well, I have the frostiest cold shoulder you'll ever feel.

I know this may not sound like such an awesome trait, but it is.  My emotional overload has gotten me in some scrapes, to be sure, but because of it, I know that I have the best friends ever - I chose them because my soul has a real reaction to them ... they are my soulmates, each of them, in ways that I can't explain.  Because of my status as Her Royal Highness, Annabella, Queen of Drama, I have the most Schmaboobin of a husband that can be found - I wouldn't have accepted less because I feel I deserve the best.  I write with passion.  I dance my pain or joy until I drive myself to tears.  I give generously because I can't stand to see others without.  I stand behind my beliefs whether others agree with me or not because I intensely believe what I say.  I can't stand hypocrisy or injustice and will fight to stamp it out wherever it exists.  I like these things about myself.  There are times when it would be easier if I was otherwise, but I would miss the drama, really.  I function best in such an environment.

As for my worst quality ... I am a procrastinator of the highest order.  I think I got it from my father.  I hate things that have a timeline.  When I know I'm on a schedule, I futz around and hem and haw until the last minute.  I just hate parceling things out in logical chunks and working slowly and steadily.  It drives me batty.  I wait until the last possible second and then do it.  That's bad, bad, bad.

I celebrate my best quality by allowing myself the freedom to be dramatic.  Thankfully, my friends and relatives allow me that freedom, too.  If I'm just too much for them, they pull back and give me space, which works for all involved.  Sometimes I just need the time to soak in my own dramatics before I am fit for public consumption.  In order to adapt to my worst quality, I make "to do" lists.  I love lists and I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I can check off things on my list, so that helps.

Thanks for these, Rachel.  It was fun to answer them and it's always good to do a little introspection.

Random stuff that occurred to me today

The worst commercials on television are the Pepto Bismol ones.  Who thought it would be a good idea to make up a Macarena-like dance to upset stomach symptoms?  Do I really want to look at giant monsters holding their butts to indicate that they have diarrhea?  Gross.

Two more Black luminaries have died: Ed Bradley - the sexiest old dude on television, complete with earring and Gerald Levert - who died of a massive heart attack at the age of 40.  That, right there, is enough to make me serious about losing weight.  Gerald wasn't sick ... that dude died of being fat.  Goodness gracious.

Watching Dancing With the Stars has reminded me why I was so darn in love with Mario Lopez when I was young.  Everybody seemed to be all about Zack, but it was Slater that floated my boat.  I could swim in those dimples.