The Life of A Ladybug

Hotter than Hell (In Memoriam): Michael Jackson

 

There is no way in the world that I could pick anybody else this week.

I want to share this message ... my heart is heavy.

This is a message from the head of The Powder Group.  It hurt my heart so much to read this and I want to share it with you all.

Around 30 minutes ago, as I sat eating breakfast at the counter of my favorite diner and editing the text for the Spring issue of On Makeup Magazine, a news story on CNN broke through my focus. Within minutes, the next news story fading out in the background and with tears welling up in my eyes, I headed out to write this email. This past Monday, on the heels of Easter Sunday, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover hung himself with electrical cord on the second floor his mother's Springfield, Massachusetts home. Carl was 11 year old. This Friday would have been his 12th birthday. Over the past year, Carl endured excessive bullying at his new scool, The New Leadership Charter School. There were daily taunts of being gay - called a faggot, queer and constantly physically threatened. The week before his suicide he was even threatened with death by a female classmate. Despite his mother's weekly pleas to school administrators to address the problem, and the school's clearly defined anti-bullying policy, nothing changed. Without a constant support system - including one in place at school - where one can share the difficulties and pain of growing up "different", life can be full of pain and eventually became too much to bear.  When you feel alone and hated for who you are, the simplest parts of your daily life can be fraught with stress. The bus ride to school. Lunch in the cafeteria. Gym glass. All so painful that the thought of leaving it all behind can not only enter ones mind - but can become the only option they see in front of them. Let's be clear here - we don't even know if Carl was, in fact, gay, but the perception and accusation were clearly devastating enough on their own to do serious damage to his sense of self-worth and desire to live. Growing up gay was certainly not easy back in the '70s and '80s when myself and so many others that in my life were the same age as Carl. One would hope that with the advances over the past 20 years in visibility and in the creation of equal rights laws for gay men and women, bisexual and transgendered persons, we would be at a place in our history where such a tragedy could not happen. It can. It does. It did. We as a society, even the gay society, can quickly forget or overlook that pain. For many of us, we were young and gay at a time when the world saw being gay very differently. Even the most obvious homosexuality in our culture was looked to with an oversight of don't-ask, don't-tell: Freddie Mercury, Elton John, Liberace and The Village People all clearly gay, but with barely a nod to their sexuality back in the day. Popular culture has embraced so many things "gay" - Will & Grace, Ellen, a gay wedding on All My Children, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin (yes he's gay and out - enough already), gay contenstants featured on American Idol and so many other examples that they are too numerous to list - that one would hope that the times of tip-toeing around the issue in public places - like school - would be over with for good. Clearly they are not. With the passing of Vermont and Iowa laws allowing the union of same-sex partners - joining the ranks of Connecticut and Massachusetts, along with Governor David Patterson's plan to introduce a gay marriage bill in New York State, and President Obama formerly endorsing a U.N. statement calling for the worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality (a measure that former President George W. Bush had refused to sign - no surprise there), I hope that we are on our way to a more accepting and tolerant world. But with the passing of Prop 8 in California, a new Archbishop in NYC who is strongly in support of preserving the sanctity of marriage, and similar political and religious groups pushing hard to keep gays in their place - not neccesarily the closet but at least not in a wedding chapel - we have a long way to go. And for the record - we don't want to get married in your church - so get over it and move on. Maybe if those who oppose any aspect of homsexuality, for whatever reason, would keep their gay-negative thoughts to themselves and not share them at the dinner table, or even express a positive live-and-let-live message instead of one filled with fear or revulsion, Carl's mother might be celebrating her little boy's birthday this Friday and not a memorial in his honor. Carl wanted to become president so he could change the world. I for one am devastated that he will never have the chance. Teach tolerance not hatred. Teach acceptance not rejection. Celebrate diversity. Proudly gay, Michael DeVellis Executive Director, The Powder Group

The most beautiful picture I've seen in a long time ...

Today, I'm in solidarity.

50+thousand, y'all. 

Last night's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Neutrogena Alcohol-Free Toner
• Avon Anew Eye Serum
• Avon Night Age Fighting Serum (or whatever it's called)

Today's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Olay Age Defying Eye Serum
• Clean & Clear Acne Advantage Treatment
• Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel
• Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture SPF15

Today's make-up:

• Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit in Golden/Pale Yellow
• MAC Studio Fix Powder in NC45
• Fresh eyeshadow in Kona - used to fill in my brows
• MAC Studio Finish Concealer in NC42 - used under brows and on lids as highlight - applied with my finger and then blended with a MAC 224SE brush
• MAC Kohl Power Eye Pencil in Raven
• L'Oreal Voluminous Carbon Black Mascara - two coats on top lashes only
• Laura Mercier Creme Cheek Colour in Canyon
• Laura Mercier Cheek Colour in Blushing Apple
• Softlips Lip Balm in Strawberry Sherbet
• Wet 'N Wild Lipstick in 508A - used to line lips and then smushed my lips together to get a nice wine-colored stain
• Rimmel Volume Boost Lipgloss in Bossy - This has become a staple in my make-up wardrobe.  It's time to get another one.

Today's fragrance:

Fresh Sugar eau de parfum

Today's outfit:

• black s/s tee w/lace yoke and sleeves from Torrid
• black double-button pants from New York & Company
• silver cuff bracelets
• silver filigree ring
• silver thumb rings
• silver bamboo earrings
• wedding set
• black mock-croc pointy-toed mary jane heels by Isaac Mizrahi for Target
• large white handbag from www.baghaus.com

Prayers go out ...

Today, I watched the memorial service for the Virginia Tech students who were killed in the horrible massacre yesterday.  I cried through it.  This is so awful.  There are no words.  I am praying for all the families and other students who have been, and will continue to be, affected.

One of the students killed was a fellow bellydancer.  Her name was Reema.  Her brother had just watched her dance in a festival on Sunday and it was the last time he saw her alive.  If you're interested in seeing her picture and reading a bit about her, click here.  Scroll down to find more information on Reema.

Why bother?

As a Black woman who regularly blogs about things that are of note to other Black women and/or Black people, I thought that maybe I should post something about this whole Don Imus mess.  And then, I thought to myself, "Why bother?"  I mean, really, hasn't everything that could be said, on both sides of the issue, already been said?  Yesterday, when I watched Imus and Al Sharpton on the Today show, I laughed out loud because I already knew what Imus' arguments would be before he made them.  And, sure enough, he finally bust out with, "Well, I wasn't the one who made up the term 'nappy-headed hos'.  Black men call Black women that all the time."  Yeah.  Good one, Imus.  Jeez.

You know, he's right, though.  Black men all over the place do say such things and you can hear that phrase and even worse things in a lot of our popular music.  Huh.  And yet, we're up in arms when this old White dude says it.  Now, believe me, Don Imus is rightfully being raked over the coals for what he said.  I say, let him grovel.  Two weeks suspension is offensive - he's being given a vacation for spouting racist, misogynistic crap over the airwaves.  But, for real?  It's what he's always done, no?  Isn't this his schtick?  Saying mean, cruel, nasty things is what's kept him on the air so long and keeps his listeners coming back for more.  Because he's only saying out of his mouth what many of them have been thinking, but have been too scared to say.  He's getting paid to spew the trash that populates others' thoughts.  Wow.

Are we really wasting our time on this man?  It's pointless to appeal to Don Imus, who contends that he's a "good man who said a bad thing."  Perhaps.  Perhaps he's just a bad man, who doesn't even cover it that well.  Whatever.  What concerns me more is that we're focusing on him.  Who cares what he thinks or says?  No, he shouldn't be allowed to use the public airwaves to spew his bile.  He should be fired immediately.  But, in the long run, this dude isn't important at all.  What he said doesn't negate the achievements the Rutgers women's basketball team made.  Him calling them "nappy-headed hos" doesn't make them so.  Hell, he could comment on my blog today and call me the same - doesn't make it true.  Now, if I called him a nasty old rat bastard jackass... well, the truth hurts.

Kramer v. Kramer

Okay, so I haven't really mentioned the whole Michael Richards debacle here because I needed time to think about and process it.  There are so many things I'd like to say that I don't even know where to begin.  I hope this doesn't become a whole jumbled-up mess of a rant, but, if so, oh well.  Y'all know I'm pretty passionate about such things.

I'm not sure why anybody is all that shocked by this.  Does racism still shock us?  Really?  Seriously???  (Okay, you can totally tell that I love Grey's Anatomy.)  Black folk, please.  People are getting up in arms over his comments and I think that's ludicrous.  This man is now on the World Wide Woe Tour 2006 with personal appearances on Letterman and the radio broadcasts of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, supposedly to make apologies for what he's done.  First of all, the apologies are insincere.  I don't buy it, Richards.  Would you have apologized if your comments hadn't been caught on camera (thank God for cellphone video, huh?) or would you have pretended it didn't happen?  If you really wanted to apologize for the harm you've caused, you'd apologize to the harmed ... the two young men to whom your vitriolic comments were directed.  Don't apologize to me - I don't give a damn what you think about Black people.  Also ... Jesse Jackson has a radio program???  Since when?  Please know, Michael Richards, that Jesse and Al aren't the Kings of Blacktown.  They don't speak for me.  Secondly, why would we even expect him to apologize for something he obviously meant?  Don't pull my leg.  I would rather you hate me to my face, then say those things behind my back.

Also, I have to say that I'm disappointed in the young men.  Yes, I think they genuinely were hurt by the racist attack.  But, for real?  Hiring Gloria Allred to do the national tour of television shows, announcing that y'all are due money for the pain and suffering?  Please.  Please do not tell me that you've never experienced racism before.  What did you do then?  Did you sue those folks?  Or are you capitalizing on the fact that the racist in question is wealthy?

And, while I have you all here, let's tell the truth.  To borrow a phrase from Brother Malcolm, this is a case of the chickens coming home to roost.  Don't get up on comedy stages and call fellow Black people "niggers" or use your hip-hop fame to do it, or even do it in your personal life and then get upset when a White man uses the word.  If it's not okay for him, it's not okay for you.  If that word didn't have any power or if you've "reclaimed" it like you say you have, then why are you upset at its usage?  And what do you mean "reclaimed"?  When did we ever "claim" it in the first place?  The word "nigger" hurts, doesn't it?  If it hurts when it comes from his mouth, it should hurt when it comes from your own.  Remember how this feels the next time you're tempted.

To forgive ... divine.

I wasn't feeling too well this morning, so I decided to sleep in a little later before leaving for work.  Because I was home later than usual, I got to watch part of the Today show.  One segment of the show was about the community of Amish people in Pennsylvania which was so horribly invaded by that madman who lined up several young girls and shot them, execution style.  I've been in shock since I heard of this news.  I mean, really?  It's awful enough that the man killed people!  But to attack the Amish!  The freaking Amish!!!!  Who does that????  What have the Amish ever done to hurt anybody???

The segment focused on how the families of the people who've been murdered have announced that they have already forgiven the murderer.  Matt Lauer interviewed a rabbi and a Presbyterian minister about the importance of forgiveness in human society - how it is both psychologically and physically healthy and how it allows the person to stand in a place of power.  Matt admitted that he doesn't believe he could forgive the murderer of his child and I understand how he feels. 

Watching this segment made me ask myself: Would I be able to do the same?  Would I be able to forgive freely the man who had taken my child's life?  If I say, No, am I really the Christian that I say I am?  Hasn't my whole life's experience with faith been one that has taught me that my Lord requires that I forgive those who wrong me, regardless of the manner of offense?

Thankfully, I've never been one to hold grudges.  I pretty easily forgive in my every day life.  But I've only really had to forgive small things, or, at least, those things have been small in comparison to something like the murder of one's child.  So, I searched my heart to see if I found any unforgiveness there.  And, I did.  I held unforgiveness in my heart towards my in-laws, particularly my mother-in-law and my grandmother-in-law.  I allowed myself to feel that - the hurt and the anger that I've held towards them for several years now.  And I asked myself if holding on to those feelings has helped me any, whatsoever.  Have they stopped hurting me because I'm angry with them?  Do they even care?  Is my life any better from holding on to this rage?  I found myself ashamed that I could talk the talk, but not walk the walk when it comes to this particular situation in my life.  I have often told others how they need to forgive, but if I am not willing to do so, in every situation, then I am a hypocrite.

So, today, I am giving myself the freedom of forgiveness.  I forgive them for what they have done to hurt me.  And the lightness of this feels so good.  I choose to forgive.  I choose to love.  That gives me power and control over my own life and my own emotions.

Race and poverty

A few days ago, I watched a Tom Brokaw special on race and poverty.  He conducted a series of interviews across several months with Black, poor, citizens of Jackson, Mississippi, to see if there's been any improvement across racial poverty lines since the Civil Rights Movement.  I thought it was a really well done piece of television and give kudos to Mr. Brokaw.  However, I was left wondering if such a special really even makes a dent in the racial/economic divide in this country.  Was Tom Brokaw, in effect, preaching to the choir?  Do you think any racists were watching that program?  Or anybody who really isn't up on the fact that Black people are disproportionately poorer than other groups?  Do you think it changed anybody's mind or ideas about Black people and/or poor people?

I don't want to be a pessimist - it's not my nature.  But when it comes to such things, I tend to fall into that group.  As much as I want to believe that things are better in this country, I really believe that folks have only gotten better at hiding their true feelings.