So, Rachel's reply to my "Feel free ..." post was to ask me to "pontificate on character." I shall attempt to do so and hope my replies are what you're looking for, Rach!
What is the #1 quality you look for in a friend or partner?
Well, if I have to pick a #1, I would say honesty. I know that's what everyone says, but I really mean it. I like it when people tell me the truth. I know that sometimes the truth is hard for me to hear, but I respect a person more when (s)he can share honest thoughts, without worry that our friendship or relationship will suffer. All my closest friends share this trait. There have been times when their honesty has caused me pain - when I've been told that I'm jealous, or have acted in an ignorant manner, or that I need to shut up. But, after I get over my initial defensiveness and evaluate what the person has had to say, (s)he is almost always right. I pride myself on my ability to accept and absorb criticism when it is given in a spirit of love. What I have found with those honest people in my life is that they are able to share their unbiased thoughts and opinions without trying to cut me down. Too many people lack tact and compassion. There are times when I am lacking in the tact department myself, so I surround myself with people who can balance me out in that regard. Thank God for Kim, who has, on numerous occasions, gently and kindly reminded me that there are different ways in which to say what I think. Her tact has saved me more than once.
So, with that in mind, my #2 requirement is compassion. I am thankful that I am a compassionate person. I can see beyond myself and feel the needs of others and respond to those needs. And I want people in my life who are also like that. I am continually frustrated by people who seem to lack basic human kindness and compassion, people who can look at the suffering of others and just not seem to give a damn. I wonder if there is a special place in hell for such folks. (Okay, see there? Lack of tact. sigh)
What is the single most annoying quality a person can have?
A negative spirit. Not pessimism (my husband, God love him, is a pessimist of the highest order sometimes and it really frustrates me), but negativity. A person who is contrary just for the hell of it. Who goes out of her way to rain on everybody's parade. Who can never be happy for anyone or share anyone's joy. Who reminds you over and over again that her life isn't going just as she planned it. A person who refuses to celebrate the miracle of life without saying that life didn't come wrapped in the pretty, pretty package she requested. Such people make me want to slap the taste out of their mouths.
What are your best and worst qualities? How do you celebrate your best qualities and adapt around your worst?
I would say my best quality is my depth of feeling. That's kind of an awkward way to put it, but what I mean is that I feel everything, everything really, really deeply. Gah! Why can't I explain what I mean? Okay, here it is - I'm a drama queen. Everything is very melodramatic in my life. When I am angry, I am furious. When I find something funny, I laugh until there are tears streaming down my face or I have a spit take and spew Coke (or whatever beverage) everywhere. When I think a commercial, TV show, song or whatever is sad, I bawl. When I love, I love with every inch of my body and soul. And when I can't stand you? Well, I have the frostiest cold shoulder you'll ever feel.
I know this may not sound like such an awesome trait, but it is. My emotional overload has gotten me in some scrapes, to be sure, but because of it, I know that I have the best friends ever - I chose them because my soul has a real reaction to them ... they are my soulmates, each of them, in ways that I can't explain. Because of my status as Her Royal Highness, Annabella, Queen of Drama, I have the most Schmaboobin of a husband that can be found - I wouldn't have accepted less because I feel I deserve the best. I write with passion. I dance my pain or joy until I drive myself to tears. I give generously because I can't stand to see others without. I stand behind my beliefs whether others agree with me or not because I intensely believe what I say. I can't stand hypocrisy or injustice and will fight to stamp it out wherever it exists. I like these things about myself. There are times when it would be easier if I was otherwise, but I would miss the drama, really. I function best in such an environment.
As for my worst quality ... I am a procrastinator of the highest order. I think I got it from my father. I hate things that have a timeline. When I know I'm on a schedule, I futz around and hem and haw until the last minute. I just hate parceling things out in logical chunks and working slowly and steadily. It drives me batty. I wait until the last possible second and then do it. That's bad, bad, bad.
I celebrate my best quality by allowing myself the freedom to be dramatic. Thankfully, my friends and relatives allow me that freedom, too. If I'm just too much for them, they pull back and give me space, which works for all involved. Sometimes I just need the time to soak in my own dramatics before I am fit for public consumption. In order to adapt to my worst quality, I make "to do" lists. I love lists and I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I can check off things on my list, so that helps.
Thanks for these, Rachel. It was fun to answer them and it's always good to do a little introspection.
