The Life of A Ladybug

A hot mess

Remember when BET used to be relevant?  Yeah, I hardly remember, either.

On the drive back from the post office, a commercial for BET's new line-up "The July Jump-Off" came on the radio.  All of the shows sounded ridiculous, but the worst was the announcement that they have made the website Hot Ghetto Mess into a television show, hosted by Charlie Murphy.  The tagline is, "People, we have got to do better!"  Here's my thing: If what you want is for your people to do better, then how is it helping to broadcast their tomfoolery all over the airwaves for all and sundry to see?  Do you really think that someone who has done something foolish and has been declared "a hot ghetto mess" is gonna see herself on that show and think, "You know what?  I need to change"???  No.  If the person has a lick of sense, she will be embarrassed and enraged.  If she has none, she will be happy that she had 15 seconds of fame and will keep it moving, probably even stepping up her ridiculous behavior because she'll feel that it's been validated.  In either case, no one has been helped, no one has learned, no one's life has improved.

I can't believe that a station that calls itself "Black Entertainment Television" would promote some garbage like this.  The station isn't even owned by a Black person/family anymore - it's owned by the same folks who own MTV.  If it was still owned by a Black person, I'd say that he had sold his brothers and sisters out to line his own pockets.  In this case, our brothers and sisters are being sold to the highest bidder, to line the pockets of folks who don't even look like us.  Sound familiar?

People, we have got to do better than that.

You know what?

"Conversate" is not a word.  The word is "converse."  Use it.

If you live in the Baltimore area, don't eat at the Crab Shanty!

Okay, so I feel just the tiniest bit bad about this because the Crab Shanty used to be one of my favorite seafood restaurants, but wrong is wrong and it's not be tolerated.  Today, after our group training, we headed to the Crab Shanty to have lunch (for those who may not be sure, the Crab Shanty is located in Ellicott City).  Everything was going well, until one of my co-workers noticed that there was a gnat in her salad!  Of course, we called over our server, who took the salad away.  Not five minutes later, out comes the manager, salad in hand, tells my co-worker that the black thing with legs in her salad is not a gnat and is, instead, a bit of spice, and lets her know that she can feel free to eat it.  Um, no.  Of course, she didn't want to eat it, told him she felt uncomfortable with taking his word that that buglike apparition wasn't, in fact, a bug, and asked him to take it away.  The manager was clearly peeved and huffed away.  We saw him later, walking around to all the other tables, asking if each were enjoying their meals ... he never approached us again.  Several minutes later, our server came back to our table and asked if my co-worker would like to order something else.  She said she would not. 

On we went with our meals, joking about how we'd all better make sure our own lunches were bug-free.  When the check arrived, we were shocked to see that my co-worker's salad price was there, still.  We called the server over and my co-worker asked her to remove the charge, both because we all knew there was a bug in that salad and because she'd sent it back without touching it and hadn't ordered anything else - she had received no food, so she had no idea why she should pay.  Seemed like a reasonable request to remove the charge.  The server went off to do so.  She came back in a minute and informed us that the manager refused to have the charge removed because he had told my co-worker that the bug was a spice.  We gasped!  We couldn't believe it.  Not only had he denied to take away the charge, but he had, in fact, boxed up the salad and expected her to take it home with her!!!  Well, she went ballistic (as I would have) and told him that he had lost his mind if he thought that she was going to take home a salad that she believed had a bug in it and eat it and pay for that bug-infested salad!  (Not to mention whatever other things they'd probably done to that salad when they'd brought it back to the kitchen.)  At this point, my deputy director and I were about to remove earrings and whatnot.  I'm thinking, "OMG.  It's fid'n to pop off up in here!!!!"  The big boss (the director) quietly begged the manager to remove the charge before he had even more hoopla to deal with.  He finally gave in.

Okay, but at this point?  I'm pissed.  That was no less than ridiculously awful service.  To offer someone a meal with a bug in it and then expect the person to pay?  And take the meal home?  I've never had such happen to me.  I've sent things back just because I didn't like the way they tasted and not had to pay and my co-worker hadn't even taken one bite.  Not acceptable and not to be borne.

I will not eat at the Crab Shanty again.  And, if you have any sense, you won't, either.  (Unless you'd like bugs with that.)

A couple things I don't get ...

1. Why would you sit in your car and eat lunch when it's 90-some-odd degrees outside?  First of all, it's hot as Hades outside.  That's not my thing, but I do understand that some people like roasting-type temperatures.  Fine.  But if what you want is to sit outside and eat in the blazing sun, we have lovely tables on the patio where you can do just that.  We also have benches and even (gasp!) grass that you could sit on.  Why, then, would you go all the way to your car, get in it, roll the windows down and eat?  Is that more comfortable than laying your food out on a table?  Do you like being suffocated - there is actually a bit of breeze blowing, wouldn't you be more likely to get some of that if you were actually out there rather than in the stuffy car?  It's weird!
2. In other parking lot-related conundrums, why do people ride their freakin' motorcycles to work and park in the car spaces???  I get why people are riding their motorcycles to work - it saves on gas (and don't think I'm not envious because I am).  But hey, bikers - we actually have motorcycle parking spaces!  Try parking in 'em!!!  It's bad enough that I have to pay car-sized gas bills, but to get to work and find your tiny little bike parked in a space that could accommodate my actual car-sized car is really beyond the beyond.  Quit it.

Today's annoyances

1. Fergie's need to spell in all her darn songs.  Yes, Fergie, we know you can spell "glamorous".  You're a grown-tail woman.  I would hope you'd be able to spell.

2. Fergie, in general.  She irks me.

3. Russell Simmons' refusal to acknowledge that hip-hop music is part of the problem.  Not the whole problem, certainly, but damn sure part of it.

4. Kevin Liles' rapidly decreasing body - dude, stop losing weight!

You know what I hate? Overzealous make-up artists!

As most of you know, I am a freelance make-up artist.  Primarily, I do make-up for weddings and other special events.  Though I am an "artist" and do think of make-up as my medium, when I do make-up for a bride and her attendants or for a girl going to her prom or just for a woman who wants a new daytime look, I am performing a service.  Therefore, while I could go "all out", try the newest trend, make the women look like geisha, etc., I don't.  My job at that time is to adhere to the wishes of the client.  Now, no, I won't make someone look like Boo Boo the Fool just because she thinks (God forbid!) that Proenza Pink would look good on her, even though she has a beautiful chocolate skintone and I know that she'll look like she's been eating pink-powdered donuts.  If I believe a look will be unflattering, I do suggest alternatives and many a client has thanked me for doing so.  But if, for instance, a bride says to me (like one recently did), "I don't wear make-up on a daily basis.  I'm a very minimalist girl.  On my wedding day, I don't want to look 'made up'.  I want to look fresh, pretty, natural and totally 'like myself'", then what should I do?  I should honor that request!

What irks me are make-up artists who make it their business to tell you what's right for you.  As much as I love make-up (and God knows I do), I recognize and acknowledge that not everyone in the world shares my undying passion.  It is not my job to force my love of paint on everyone.  In fact, I have found that a vast majority of women look fresher and prettier without much make-up.  I include myself in that number.  Adding too much color to one's face can look garish and add 10 to 20 years, if one is not proficient in application or just too heavy-handed.  What looks great in an editorial advertisement would look like hell-suit-for-murder if it were walking down the street toward you in broad daylight.

I get that when you go to the MAC store or when you visit a make-up counter in a department store like Nordstrom or hit your local Sephora, the MUAs or the sales staff push product on you because it affects them money-wise ... they're trying to make commission.  But that's why I chose not to work in a store or at a counter.  I don't feel right having to push product or to use only a specific product line.  I am a MAChead, no denying, but I wouldn't want to have to live without Laura Mercier or Stila or NARS or Kimora Lee Simmons (the make-up, not the woman ... shudder) or BECCA or Bare Escentuals or L'Oreal or Revlon or mark or  ... you get the point.  I'm still reeling at my friend who left a MAC store with $500 worth of products, brushes and a small traincase ... on a daily basis, this woman only wears tinted lip balm and a bit of gel blush!  Why in the world would she ever need $500 worth of stuff, let alone something to keep it in???  Yes, the 12 shades of eye make-up she was wearing looked beautiful ... that's because they were applied by a professional in a store lighted like a runway!  She would never be able to recreate that look and she'd have to hit the streets in it ... she'd look like a French hooker at best if she tried that mess!  I made her return it all, posthaste.  WTH???

Y'all.  Don't fall for the hype.  Before you go to the counter or the store, know what you're looking for.  If what you need is an everyday look, suitable for office and weekend, say so.  And stick to your guns.  Don't allow yourself to be talked into all manner of primers, serums, brushes, applicators, sealants and whatnot when you know you don't need them.  Please don't make me have to walk up to you on the street and ask you if you've been the victim of assault with a deadly blush brush.

Why bother?

As a Black woman who regularly blogs about things that are of note to other Black women and/or Black people, I thought that maybe I should post something about this whole Don Imus mess.  And then, I thought to myself, "Why bother?"  I mean, really, hasn't everything that could be said, on both sides of the issue, already been said?  Yesterday, when I watched Imus and Al Sharpton on the Today show, I laughed out loud because I already knew what Imus' arguments would be before he made them.  And, sure enough, he finally bust out with, "Well, I wasn't the one who made up the term 'nappy-headed hos'.  Black men call Black women that all the time."  Yeah.  Good one, Imus.  Jeez.

You know, he's right, though.  Black men all over the place do say such things and you can hear that phrase and even worse things in a lot of our popular music.  Huh.  And yet, we're up in arms when this old White dude says it.  Now, believe me, Don Imus is rightfully being raked over the coals for what he said.  I say, let him grovel.  Two weeks suspension is offensive - he's being given a vacation for spouting racist, misogynistic crap over the airwaves.  But, for real?  It's what he's always done, no?  Isn't this his schtick?  Saying mean, cruel, nasty things is what's kept him on the air so long and keeps his listeners coming back for more.  Because he's only saying out of his mouth what many of them have been thinking, but have been too scared to say.  He's getting paid to spew the trash that populates others' thoughts.  Wow.

Are we really wasting our time on this man?  It's pointless to appeal to Don Imus, who contends that he's a "good man who said a bad thing."  Perhaps.  Perhaps he's just a bad man, who doesn't even cover it that well.  Whatever.  What concerns me more is that we're focusing on him.  Who cares what he thinks or says?  No, he shouldn't be allowed to use the public airwaves to spew his bile.  He should be fired immediately.  But, in the long run, this dude isn't important at all.  What he said doesn't negate the achievements the Rutgers women's basketball team made.  Him calling them "nappy-headed hos" doesn't make them so.  Hell, he could comment on my blog today and call me the same - doesn't make it true.  Now, if I called him a nasty old rat bastard jackass... well, the truth hurts.

Today's Pet Peeves

Why is the show "Friday Night Lights" shown on Wednesday?  Does that even make sense?  I don't even watch that show and that pisses me off.

Forrest Whitaker's wonky eye.  What is up with it???  I know he can't help it, which makes me even more upset.  I'm upset with myself for being upset at the wonky eye, but it "nervouses me, if you will."

Vic will not change the toilet paper roll.  It's like he's physically incapable or has a mental block or something.  I get that he only has to use paper half of the time, but dude, I have to wipe each and every time!  I can't just shake dry!  Give a sista a break here!

People who brush their teeth at work.  I am all for dental hygiene, but for real?  I'm not keen on seeing you hocking a toothpaste-filled loogie into the sink when I'm trying to wash my hands.  Pop a few Tic-Tacs and wait until you get home to brush.

Say what you mean and mean what you say, heiffer!

You know what's not cool?  Backhanded "compliments", otherwise known as "trying to say something nasty with a smile on your face." 

Yesterday, I had a woman tell me that my hair looked "different" and asked what I did to it.  I hadn't done anything, so I said "Nothing", which she obviously didn't believe.  I rethought my hair ritual from that morning and assured myself, that, no, there was nothing different - I'd wet my hair with a spritz bottle full of water and lavendar and pomegranate oils, smoothed the edges with Elasta QP Glaze, brushed it into an afro puff - just like normal.  Then I realized that my puff was probably a bit higher than usual, which I told her.  She looked at me skeptically and kept saying, "I don't know.  It's looks ... different", then leaned in close and inspected it, like she was checking for lice or something.  At this point, I snapped, "What does that mean?"  Of course, she jumped back and said, "Nothing.  I mean, it looks ... pretty", with this crap-eating grin on her face.  Was I supposed to be flattered that she said it was ... pretty, after looking at me like some fungus she found growing on her food or something?

Say what you mean and mean what you say.  If you want to say my hair is ugly, have ovaries big enough to say it.  Or shut up.

You know what you can do for me?

Never use the word "bling" again.  That's all.  Thanks.