The Life of A Ladybug

Nappy-headed activist?

While in North Carolina over this past weekend, Vic and I visited the Museum of the New South.  It's quite a fascinating place - I love that the exhibits are so interactive.  One of the exhibits was about African Americans' natural hair and the images/stereotypes/what-have-you that go along with it, at least, in this country.  The exhibit mostly consisted of quotes on the walls, recalling old stories about how Black people wound up "cursed" with this hair, jars full of "cockleburrs" and audio of racist taunts about the nappyness of African hair.

I walked out of the exhibit enraged.  After giving myself time to calm down, I asked myself why I found the exhibit so hard to stomach.  And I realized that it brought up so much in me.  Honestly, when I decided to go natural about four years ago, I hadn't really thought it through all the way.  I just remember being tired.  I was just plain tired of the same old, same old after 18 years.  I was tired of getting my hair burnt into submission every six weeks, only to have it fight back after two.  I was tired of the smell of the chemicals, of sitting under the hair dryer for two hours at a time because, though straightened, my thick hair would refuse to dry completely, as if it were her last ditch effort at resistance.  I was tired of the gossip and headaches of waiting hours in salon.  I was just tired.  And I wanted a change.  I wanted to be able to feel free and as if I was capable of taking care of my own hair.  So I just stopped.  I stopped it all - the salon visits, the touch-ups, the chemicals.

It didn't go over well with everyone.  Vic didn't fight me on it, but I could tell he was terrified at the prospect of having a kinky-headed wife.  The first time he saw me with my new short afro, he looked perplexed.  He had no idea why I would do that to myself and said as much.  My grandmother (and his) both balked at my cutting off my long, straight hair to wind up with naps.  Why would I want to do that???  My aunt continually made comments about how she didn't think anyone looked good with natural hair, particularly people with big, round heads (that would be me, I'm guessing).  The only one who accepted me without any backtalk was my daughter and she was a baby.  But I loved it.  I still do.  I love not having to wonder "What am I going to do with my hair" when I go on vacation.  I love being able to jump into a pool with not a second thought.  I love walking bareheaded in the rain.  I love sweaty nights of sex without worrying about my kitchen kinking up.

I had convinced myself that that was all it was. That I just wanted my freedom.  I convinced myself that I didn't think making the choice to sport natural hair was any different than making the choice to sport straightened hair.  But I don't know why I talked myself into that.  In the back of my mind, I've always known that it's not that easy or that simple.  I've always known that the very essence of my being is militant - always has been.  I am the last to cave to authority.  I am the first to question.  I am the first one ready to march, boycott, pop someone in the mouth.  I'm a fighter, for good or ill.  And yeah, I know that my head full of Sisterlocks might not go over well everywhere.  Yeah, I knew when I walked into my agency with a huge 'fro folks were gonna look at me with the cut eye (they were giving me "Madam" all over the place!).  I knew that I'd opened myself up to comments.  I relished in being able to snap at folks who told me that my hair was unprofessional (my comeback: I dare management to say it.  They'll have a discrimination lawsuit on their hands so fast it'll make their head spin).  I absolutely flaunted my nappyness as hard as I could.

Admit it or not, choosing to rock a natural is a political statement.  For me, that statement is, "I will not be dictated to.  I will not concede to your idea of beauty.  I will set my own standard."  It's so nice to meet eyes with another woman who rocks the locks or an afro or braids or whatnot.  It feels like we share a certain something.  I don't knock the choice of my girls who don't have any desire to grow out their perms, but I've made a different choice and I stand by it ... with my fist raised.

Change your face, change your race?

So, I went home for lunch today, and while I was eating, I watched a TiVo'd episode of Dr. Phil.  He was interviewing people who have decided to get plastic surgery that will totally erase an ethnically-identifiable feature.  For example, one young Asian woman had plastic surgery to create a fold in her upper eye lid, thereby erasing something that is an easily identifable Asian feature.  And there was a young man who was going to have a nose job to change what he thinks of as his "stereotypically Italian" nose.

What do you guys think about this?  Is this up to the individual - something that will make that person feel a bit more attractive and make his/her life just a bit better?  Or is this an issue of self-hatred, a willingness to remove those things that identify what you are? 

And, is this a slippery slope?  If we say that a woman cannot get folds surgically put into her eyelids, where do we stop?  What is the difference between erasing an "Asian eye" and straightening the kinks out of "African hair"?  Where do we draw the line?

I'm interested to hear what you think, so comment away!

Today, I'm in solidarity.

50+thousand, y'all. 

Last night's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Neutrogena Alcohol-Free Toner
• Avon Anew Eye Serum
• Avon Night Age Fighting Serum (or whatever it's called)

Today's skincare:

• Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
• Olay Age Defying Eye Serum
• Clean & Clear Acne Advantage Treatment
• Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel
• Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture SPF15

Today's make-up:

• Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit in Golden/Pale Yellow
• MAC Studio Fix Powder in NC45
• Fresh eyeshadow in Kona - used to fill in my brows
• MAC Studio Finish Concealer in NC42 - used under brows and on lids as highlight - applied with my finger and then blended with a MAC 224SE brush
• MAC Kohl Power Eye Pencil in Raven
• L'Oreal Voluminous Carbon Black Mascara - two coats on top lashes only
• Laura Mercier Creme Cheek Colour in Canyon
• Laura Mercier Cheek Colour in Blushing Apple
• Softlips Lip Balm in Strawberry Sherbet
• Wet 'N Wild Lipstick in 508A - used to line lips and then smushed my lips together to get a nice wine-colored stain
• Rimmel Volume Boost Lipgloss in Bossy - This has become a staple in my make-up wardrobe.  It's time to get another one.

Today's fragrance:

Fresh Sugar eau de parfum

Today's outfit:

• black s/s tee w/lace yoke and sleeves from Torrid
• black double-button pants from New York & Company
• silver cuff bracelets
• silver filigree ring
• silver thumb rings
• silver bamboo earrings
• wedding set
• black mock-croc pointy-toed mary jane heels by Isaac Mizrahi for Target
• large white handbag from www.baghaus.com

Justice for the Jena 6

Okay, I'm not going to go on and on about this situation because others have done it far better than me, and, if you're truly interested, there's a wealth of information out there on the Internet.

What I will say is this: While this blog is primarily about beauty, that's not all it's about.  This blog is about my life and the things that matter to me.  And I am a Black woman.  An African American (whichever floats your boat).  Those kids down there in Jena are important to me.  Mychal Bell could be my brother (I even have a younger brother named Michael).  This thing affects me.

So, let it be known ... I will be wearing all black tomorrow in solidarity with those who are there or are making their way down there - to protest, peacefully, against the injustices perpetrated against Mychal Bell and the others.  If I did not have a four-year-old and other obligations, I would be on my way down there myself.  As Dr. King once said, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."  I applaud all those who are taking a stand against racial injustice.

Equal protection.  The power of the people.  Peaceful protest.  Racial justice.

Those are beautiful things.

Why bother?

As a Black woman who regularly blogs about things that are of note to other Black women and/or Black people, I thought that maybe I should post something about this whole Don Imus mess.  And then, I thought to myself, "Why bother?"  I mean, really, hasn't everything that could be said, on both sides of the issue, already been said?  Yesterday, when I watched Imus and Al Sharpton on the Today show, I laughed out loud because I already knew what Imus' arguments would be before he made them.  And, sure enough, he finally bust out with, "Well, I wasn't the one who made up the term 'nappy-headed hos'.  Black men call Black women that all the time."  Yeah.  Good one, Imus.  Jeez.

You know, he's right, though.  Black men all over the place do say such things and you can hear that phrase and even worse things in a lot of our popular music.  Huh.  And yet, we're up in arms when this old White dude says it.  Now, believe me, Don Imus is rightfully being raked over the coals for what he said.  I say, let him grovel.  Two weeks suspension is offensive - he's being given a vacation for spouting racist, misogynistic crap over the airwaves.  But, for real?  It's what he's always done, no?  Isn't this his schtick?  Saying mean, cruel, nasty things is what's kept him on the air so long and keeps his listeners coming back for more.  Because he's only saying out of his mouth what many of them have been thinking, but have been too scared to say.  He's getting paid to spew the trash that populates others' thoughts.  Wow.

Are we really wasting our time on this man?  It's pointless to appeal to Don Imus, who contends that he's a "good man who said a bad thing."  Perhaps.  Perhaps he's just a bad man, who doesn't even cover it that well.  Whatever.  What concerns me more is that we're focusing on him.  Who cares what he thinks or says?  No, he shouldn't be allowed to use the public airwaves to spew his bile.  He should be fired immediately.  But, in the long run, this dude isn't important at all.  What he said doesn't negate the achievements the Rutgers women's basketball team made.  Him calling them "nappy-headed hos" doesn't make them so.  Hell, he could comment on my blog today and call me the same - doesn't make it true.  Now, if I called him a nasty old rat bastard jackass... well, the truth hurts.

Minstrel rap?

Is today's music coming too close to the minstrelsy of old?  (Listen up, Flavor Flav.)

Minstrel rap?

Kramer v. Kramer

Okay, so I haven't really mentioned the whole Michael Richards debacle here because I needed time to think about and process it.  There are so many things I'd like to say that I don't even know where to begin.  I hope this doesn't become a whole jumbled-up mess of a rant, but, if so, oh well.  Y'all know I'm pretty passionate about such things.

I'm not sure why anybody is all that shocked by this.  Does racism still shock us?  Really?  Seriously???  (Okay, you can totally tell that I love Grey's Anatomy.)  Black folk, please.  People are getting up in arms over his comments and I think that's ludicrous.  This man is now on the World Wide Woe Tour 2006 with personal appearances on Letterman and the radio broadcasts of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, supposedly to make apologies for what he's done.  First of all, the apologies are insincere.  I don't buy it, Richards.  Would you have apologized if your comments hadn't been caught on camera (thank God for cellphone video, huh?) or would you have pretended it didn't happen?  If you really wanted to apologize for the harm you've caused, you'd apologize to the harmed ... the two young men to whom your vitriolic comments were directed.  Don't apologize to me - I don't give a damn what you think about Black people.  Also ... Jesse Jackson has a radio program???  Since when?  Please know, Michael Richards, that Jesse and Al aren't the Kings of Blacktown.  They don't speak for me.  Secondly, why would we even expect him to apologize for something he obviously meant?  Don't pull my leg.  I would rather you hate me to my face, then say those things behind my back.

Also, I have to say that I'm disappointed in the young men.  Yes, I think they genuinely were hurt by the racist attack.  But, for real?  Hiring Gloria Allred to do the national tour of television shows, announcing that y'all are due money for the pain and suffering?  Please.  Please do not tell me that you've never experienced racism before.  What did you do then?  Did you sue those folks?  Or are you capitalizing on the fact that the racist in question is wealthy?

And, while I have you all here, let's tell the truth.  To borrow a phrase from Brother Malcolm, this is a case of the chickens coming home to roost.  Don't get up on comedy stages and call fellow Black people "niggers" or use your hip-hop fame to do it, or even do it in your personal life and then get upset when a White man uses the word.  If it's not okay for him, it's not okay for you.  If that word didn't have any power or if you've "reclaimed" it like you say you have, then why are you upset at its usage?  And what do you mean "reclaimed"?  When did we ever "claim" it in the first place?  The word "nigger" hurts, doesn't it?  If it hurts when it comes from his mouth, it should hurt when it comes from your own.  Remember how this feels the next time you're tempted.

Do they not know or do they not care?

Lots of times, there are things that happen that just illuminate to me how widely separated Blacks and Whites in this country can sometimes be.  To wit, last Friday, Gerald Levert died at the young age of 40.  Some of you probably don't know who he was.  He was the son of Eddie Levert, lead singer of the O'Jays (I'm assuming you know who the O'Jays are ... if not, look it up) and a star in his own right, formerly with the group Levert and then as a solo artist.  He died of a massive heart attack.  I learned this while in the checkout line at the supermarket.  One of the cashiers made a general announcement, loud enough for me to hear it, several lines away.  The young man ringing up my purchases came to a stop and looked aghast, while I gasped loudly and said, "What???  When????"  My young male cashier was visibly flustered and made several mistakes while continuing to ring my items, saying, "I'm sorry.  I'm just shaken by the news.  I am such a Gerald Levert fan.  I was just listening to his CD on my way to work."  I assured him that I understood, as I was also shaken.  The lady behind me and I chatted softly about it.  The lady directly behind her, a White lady, said, "What?  Who???" and pretty much looked bored with the whole thing.  I wasn't surprised. 

This weekend, I noticed that nothing much was said about it in the mainstream media, while Black radio stations played his music all weekend long and Black websites talked about the loss.  This morning, on the local morning news, they made a short mention of it, but the anchor pretty much blew it off as if his death wasn't as important as others'.  And that got me to wondering ... do the mainstream media just not know who Gerald Levert was and that he was beloved by many Black folk or do they not care?  I am well aware that Gerald's music was in a niche market - he was decidedly R&B and didn't do crossover.  But then again, so was Kurt Cobain's, no?  Nirvana wasn't a crossover band.  They did the grunge rock thing.  But when Kurt died there was quite a bit of hoopla, which is still resonating.  Why?  Is it because he killed himself at a young age?  I remember when it happened it affected me a bit, but that's because I actually liked Nirvana's music.  However, you would have been hard pressed to find a Black person (at least in my general area) who could have cared less.  Most of my friends' reactions were on the level of, "So" or "For real?"  They were not pressed.  But it was big news.

Huh.  There you go.  Discuss.

He brought sexy back - yeah!

Ever since Nipplegate, I have had contempt (and probably even some hatred) in my heart for Justin Timberlake.  Yeah, Janet Jackson was the one with her titties out all over national TV (and DirecTV, much to the delight of millions of rewinders).  And yes, her titties were adorned with some sort of medieval-looking rings that would not have looked wierd on Xena, Warrior Princess (which was strange, in and of itself).  But I've felt that Janet has been unfairly raked over the coals and hung out to dry in the media, as if she took out a gun and opened fire on people during the Super Bowl Half-time Show, which, if we think about it, may have caused less of an uproar.  Yes, her titties were out there, but for real ... who ripped the bra off and set 'em free?  I've always felt that there have been both racist and sexist aspects to this whole thing - that the Black woman had to pay the price, while the White man got away scot-free.  Justin didn't seem like much of a man during all this - not standing up saying, "Hey - I deserve some blame for this, too!"  It was much more, "I had no idea she intended to pop her boob out ... I'm an innocent victim in all this!"

Ever since it's happened, I've decided that I have no love for JT.  He used to be one of my secret celebrity boyfriends, the one I would choose to make my love slave, if given the chance.  But I couldn't get with a dude who would leave a friend hanging out there like that.  I stopped listening to JT's first CD and my *NSync CD.  I refused to watch his music videos.  But, lately, his music has been all over the radio.  "Sexyback" is awesome, but "My Love" is my JAM!  Poopie told me that the CD is great, so, knowing that I am a hypocrite, I bought it and listened to it on the way home Saturday.  I swear ... that CD reminds me of why I wanted to make Justin my love slave in the first place.  That CD is pure sex music.  And now, I've started coming up with all kinds of rationalizations for why it was okay for Justin to sell Janet out.  Ericka told me that listening to Justin is way better than listening to R. Kelly (which I still won't do) - that at least Justin hasn't done anything to anyone, while R. Kelly is a pedophile.  Yeah, that's true. And it's enough to make me feel fine about buying JT's CD.  Which is all I need.

Paging Dr. Malcolm Sex, M.D. - Part II

Dude.  Isaiah.  Come on.  You can't tell me that you thought that was a good decision.  You cannot tell me that after years of being an actor and, let's face it, years being a Black man, you thought that it was a darn good idea to choke a man on the job.  I understand that it took a long time for y'all to get into work.  I even understand that the gay slur you spit out while in the midst of an argument with Patrick Dempsey was not, in all probability, directed at the newly-identified gay man, T.R. Knight (I still love you, George!), even though, according to reports, said slur sent him running to his trailer, locking himself inside.  And, Isaiah, believe me ... I know that when Patrick Dempsey pointed his finger in your face (if that's indeed what happened because, of course, we're all getting our details from Hollywood gossip) that steamed you up and all you were thinking about was how much you wanted to choke him.  But to go through with it!  Bro.  Bro!  That wasn't smart!

You are on one of the highest-rated shows on television, a show well-beloved by critics and audience alike, which is a rare blessing.  You are fine as May wine.  You are tall and statuesque and chocolate and you have a voice that melts like butter and a smile to match.  You are immensely talented and, from what I can tell, quite intelligent.  And yet you made a stupid, stupid decision which may cost you your job.  Because for real?  We both know that you cannot choke that White man and get away scot-free.  I'm praying that the norm doesn't kick in this time, but I'm not all that hopeful, honey.  I think you're gonna have to pay the price for that, even if your creator and executive producer is a Black woman.  You're one of the best parts of the show and I hope it works out for you.  We'll see.