The Life of A Ladybug

Make your wedding favors tarte!

tarte's "perfect pairs" lipglosses are celebrated.  Now, tarte is offering couples-to-be the opportunity to have a lipgloss duo named after them!

If you pick one of the already existing pairs, you can have tarte personalize the lipglosses with your name and the name of your hubby-to-be.  How cute would that be for a bridal shower or as a gift to your wedding party??

If you place a 25-piece minimum order, you can get a bulk discount of 40 to 50%.

Go to www.tartecosmetics.com for more info.

Blast from the past: "Computer Love"

Today, riding into work, I was listening to "The Steve Harvey Morning Show".  They were talking about music from "back in the day" and how it compares to today's music.  And, suddenly, they played "Computer Love" by Zapp & Roger.  Oh, my  God.  Can I tell y'all how much I love that song?  (And "I Wanna Be Your Man" since we're on the subject.)

My mind immediately went back to, I would guess it was probably the beginning of 1997.  Susquehanna, UMBC.  Women of Diversity floor.  Me and Meloni are roommates.  We're performing our nightly ritual of gossiping while listening to "The Love Zone" on 92 Q.  And what should happen?  I have a song dedicated to me.  And that song was "Computer Love."  I had just gotten off the phone with K.  At the time, I still had a boyfriend (though there was no love on my part), but K and I had been flirting, outlandishly, for a couple months.  He'd called to ask what I was doing.  "Listening to 'The Love Zone' and chatting on the computer," I replied.  Okay, he'd call me back.  Well, instead, he called 92 Q and dedicated the song.  He knew I had a boyfriend and that folks I knew would be listening, so he used his middle name and my middle name in the dedication.  I was thrilled ... then freaked out.  I called and reamed him out about dedicating a song to me when he knew I had a boyfriend.  But I was pleased and he knew it.  After I finally broke up with my boyfriend and started dating K, "Computer Love" kind of became our song.  And I still love it, though my relationship with K is way in the past.

Hey, K ... should you ever come across this ... "Who ya wit!!!!!"

It's our anniversary ... anniversary!!!

"Today is a special day.  Not just any day.  And you can have everything you want your way."

Today, it has been five years since Mr. McBoobin and I have been married.  And, might I say, he's even hotter today than he was that day, five years ago (as am I).  I am in love with him every second of every day (though he gets on my nerves more than anyone in the universe).  He's a cool dude - easy on the eyes, friendly to my girls (but not too friendly), supportive and encouraging, good in all the ways that count (let me count the ways)!  I am blessed to be his wife, his partner, the mother of his child, and his friend.  And I look forward to fifty more of the most fun years of my life.

Bitter no more

Last night, as I was driving home, I heard Joe's "All of the Things Your Man Won't Do."  You know how it goes: "Baby, I wanna do ... all of the things your man won't do!  I'll do them for you!"  I had an instant flashback.  When I entered college, I was dating L.  He had been my high school sweetheart.  We were together for over a year.  When I went off to college, he went off to a military academy.  We grew apart, of course, not only from distance, but because his personality changed.  His military training made him a man used to having his orders followed and he tried to boss me around.  Nuh-uh.  Not the kid.  He had to go. 

Enter KJP.  I couldn't stand him in the beginning, yet slowly, but surely, he grew on me and we wound up diggin' on each other.  I finally broke up with L. and KJP became my new man.  The whole time he was trying to woo me away from L, he would sing that Joe song.  He even dedicated songs to me on the radio.  Anyway ... hearing that song made me think about him for the first time in a while.  I remembered how young I was while we were together (though I felt grown).  I remembered the newness of it, the fun of being his girlfriend, how very strange he was (LOL!).  For once, I thought abou tall the great things in our relationship and not about how badly it ended.

See, KJP wound up cheating on me - in a big way.  We'd been together over four years and we'd talked about getting married.  And yet ... it ended really, really badly.  I was heartbroken.  I tried to run him over with my car (I'm not proud of it).  For years, I stayed bitter.  I could not or would not forgive him for how he'd hurt me, after all that time together and all the plans we'd made.  But last night ... I felt none of the old hurt, anger, or unforgiveness.  All I felt was nostalgia - I had fond memories of a young man who loved me (as only a teenager/early 20something can), who was my friend and confidante.  I thanked God for those memories, freely forgave KJP for any hurt he'd caused me, prayed for forgiveness for any hurt I'd cause him and let it go.

So ... I know it is a snowball's chance in hell that he'll ever read this.  And I doubt that anyone who knows him (and still stays in contact, Mel!) will, but I believe in intention.  The intention of this post is to let him know that I forgive him and that I pray that he's found the love in his life that I've found in mine and that, if he hasn't, it'll reach him.

I'm not swole anymore, dude.  Hope you can feel that.

Love is ...

... wearing zit cream to bed and knowing your husband will still find you attractive.

Irreplaceable?

"To the left, to the left ... everything you own in the box to the left ... I can have another you by tomorrow, so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' your irreplaceable!"

Beyoncé has millions of women across the world singing along with her.  But I wonder about the message this is sending.  I mean, I get the "girl power, I'm just fine without you, move on bastard!" vibe of it.  I even like the positive self-affirmation, the belief in your own hotness to the point that, you know without a doubt, any man who would do you wrong is a fool and there are other brothers waiting in  line.  The problem is, that's not always the case.  I haven't met many women who are as cavalier about the ending of a relationship as this song would have us believe.  That's not to say that I haven't felt some relief at the ending of particular relationships - in a couple cases, I've even been a bit happy.  But I did not come out on the other side unmoved and unscathed.  That's just unrealistic.

There are questions and a lot of sadness left behind after most breakups.  And the wise thing to do is to address those questions, figure out the answers, grieve the passing of the relationship, consider what you've learned, grow from this process, acknowledge what the person has taught you.  All of that takes time and significant time, at that, not just a couple of days.  I have been in a couple rebound relationships and they were not a good idea, let me tell you.  Not only are you usually not ready to jump from one relationship into the next, but also, think of the person with whom you've started this new relationship.  Is it really fair to him to be your rebound dude?  I mean, I know dudes try to play hard, but they do have feelings (most of them, I guess).

I've had rebound relationships, of course, but let me tell you, they were HORRIFICALLY bad ideas.  I wasn't ready to move on and did damage to myself by jumping from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak.  I made poor choices just to have a man - any man.  One rebound relationship in particular led me down a really bad path, a path I'm still thankful to God He walked with me on.  I almost lost my mind from fear and guilt and shame, only to come out on the other side, stronger and with a unwavering love for myself, thankfully.  Still, I wish that I'd never had to live through that darkness.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't think you're so resilient, so "you must not know 'bout me" that your heart, soul, and spirit are fine after the end.  Heal yourself first.  Give yourself time to grow before you move on to the next man.  Who knows?  Maybe the reason for the breakup wasn't all him ... maybe some of the fault was yours, too.

Picture of me and Vic from Brooke's Valentine's Day party

Aren't we just about the hottest things ever???

That Vic is so hot, I could just bite him for no good reason.  Mrowr!!!

My Life as a Manolo Girl!

Last night was such an experience.  As I'm thinking back on it now, it is all I can do not to cry.  Really.  I just told the whole story to my co-workers and I did cry.

After work, Vic, Sarai and I went down to Tyson's Corner in VA to go to Neiman Marcus, since Neiman and Sak's are the only two department stores that carry Manolos in the area.  I was over the moon excited, as you can imagine, and still in shock that Vic was going to buy me such fabulous, drool-worthy shoes and that he would drive out of state to do it!  As we were on our way down the road, our first dance song, Lady in My Life, came on.  It felt like a sign.  I sent him a text message telling him that I loved him and what an awesome, awesome dude he is.

When we finally got to Neiman's, I was flabbergasted.  This was only the second time I had ever been inside a Neiman Marcus - the first time, I only went to the Laura Mercier counter and bought a face powder - I barely got inside the front door.  But now, there I was, riding up in the marble-floored elevator to the second floor - Women's shoes.  Oh my God.  I saw shoes and designer labels that I'd never seen outside of the internet or television.  Prada, Christian Louboutin, Dior, Gucci, an entire f*in Chanel room!  And, to my left ... Manolo Blahniks.  I timidly and reverently approached the leopard-print mary janes, only to find that they only had them in size 10.  My hopes were dashed!  But then, the salesman ... okay, anecdote: That salesman was hot as all hell.  Dark chocolate creamy skin.  A suit that looked like he was born it, it fit so well.  A bracelet that clearly cost him a grip.  Beautiful teeth.  He looked like he could buy and sell me and he was just working in the freaking shoe department!  Okay, back to the story: The salesman came over and asked if he could offer a suggestion and encouraged me to try the black leather slingbacks.  Off he went to get them.  I was buzzing with anticipation.  When he got back, he took off my Isaac Mizrahi for Target shoe (Hey!  It's bargain basement, but still designed by Isaac Mizrahi, so I wasn't embarrassed.  Much.) and slipped the Manolo on my foot.  I felt like motherfrickin' Cinderella up in that piece!!!!  That shoe felt like butter.  It conformed to my foot, y'all.  Oh.  my.  God.  I actually closed my eyes and had a shoegasm.  It was a religious experience.  Sarai started talking and Vic actually shushed her because he could see that I was having a moment.  Vic went off with the salesman to pay for the shoe and I almost cried.  I floated all the way to the car.  And then he took us all to dinner at PF Chang's which just made everything so perfect ... lettuce wraps can do that for a girl.

I know that this might not seem like much, but for me?  It was everything.  It's not the shoe.  The shoe is gorgeous and flawless and fantabulous.  But it wasn't the shoe that made last night so good.  It was the experience ... it was feeling like a freaking princess.  I felt special and elegant and glamorous.  And I felt that way not because of shopping in Neiman Marcus (though that wasn't bad by any means), but because my husband had listened to me and acted on it.  All the years that I've been fiending for those shoes and talking about it, I thought it went in one ear and out the other.  But it didn't.  He listened.  And he saved his pennies.  And he gave me an experience that I will never, ever have again.  If I can afford to buy myself 500 more pairs of swanky shoes, it will never be like that first time.  The time when my prince made me feel like his princess.  It was exquisite.  I felt loved and cherished and pampered.  And I am so glad that Sarai was there to see it all - Vic is a great, great example of what she should look for in a husband ... a man who listens, cares, and acts.  I love him immeasurably.

I am now the proud, proud (freakin' proud!) owner of these:

At Rachel's request ... Pontificating about character

So, Rachel's reply to my "Feel free ..." post was to ask me to "pontificate on character."  I shall attempt to do so and hope my replies are what you're looking for, Rach!

What is the #1 quality you look for in a friend or partner?

Well, if I have to pick a #1, I would say honesty.  I know that's what everyone says, but I really mean it.  I like it when people tell me the truth.  I know that sometimes the truth is hard for me to hear, but I respect a person more when (s)he can share honest thoughts, without worry that our friendship or relationship will suffer.  All my closest friends share this trait.  There have been times when their honesty has caused me pain - when I've been told that I'm jealous, or have acted in an ignorant manner, or that I need to shut up.  But, after I get over my initial defensiveness and evaluate what the person has had to say, (s)he is almost always right.  I pride myself on my ability to accept and absorb criticism when it is given in a spirit of love.  What I have found with those honest people in my life is that they are able to share their unbiased thoughts and opinions without trying to cut me down.  Too many people lack tact and compassion.  There are times when I am lacking in the tact department myself, so I surround myself with people who can balance me out in that regard.  Thank God for Kim, who has, on numerous occasions, gently and kindly reminded me that there are different ways in which to say what I think.  Her tact has saved me more than once.

So, with that in mind, my #2 requirement is compassion.  I am thankful that I am a compassionate person.  I can see beyond myself and feel the needs of others and respond to those needs.  And I want people in my life who are also like that.  I am continually frustrated by people who seem to lack basic human kindness and compassion, people who can look at the suffering of others and just not seem to give a damn.  I wonder if there is a special place in hell for such folks.  (Okay, see there?  Lack of tact.  sigh)

What is the single most annoying quality a person can have?

A negative spirit.  Not pessimism (my husband, God love him, is a pessimist of the highest order sometimes and it really frustrates me), but negativity.  A person who is contrary just for the hell of it.  Who goes out of her way to rain on everybody's parade.  Who can never be happy for anyone or share anyone's joy.  Who reminds you over and over again that her life isn't going just as she planned it.  A person who refuses to celebrate the miracle of life without saying that life didn't come wrapped in the pretty, pretty package she requested.  Such people make me want to slap the taste out of their mouths. 

What are your best and worst qualities?  How do you celebrate your best qualities and adapt around your worst?

I would say my best quality is my depth of feeling.  That's kind of an awkward way to put it, but what I mean is that I feel everything, everything really, really deeply.  Gah!  Why can't I explain what I mean?  Okay, here it is - I'm a drama queen.  Everything is very melodramatic in my life.  When I am angry, I am furious.  When I find something funny, I laugh until there are tears streaming down my face or I have a spit take and spew Coke (or whatever beverage) everywhere.  When I think a commercial, TV show, song or whatever is sad, I bawl.  When I love, I love with every inch of my body and soul.  And when I can't stand you?  Well, I have the frostiest cold shoulder you'll ever feel.

I know this may not sound like such an awesome trait, but it is.  My emotional overload has gotten me in some scrapes, to be sure, but because of it, I know that I have the best friends ever - I chose them because my soul has a real reaction to them ... they are my soulmates, each of them, in ways that I can't explain.  Because of my status as Her Royal Highness, Annabella, Queen of Drama, I have the most Schmaboobin of a husband that can be found - I wouldn't have accepted less because I feel I deserve the best.  I write with passion.  I dance my pain or joy until I drive myself to tears.  I give generously because I can't stand to see others without.  I stand behind my beliefs whether others agree with me or not because I intensely believe what I say.  I can't stand hypocrisy or injustice and will fight to stamp it out wherever it exists.  I like these things about myself.  There are times when it would be easier if I was otherwise, but I would miss the drama, really.  I function best in such an environment.

As for my worst quality ... I am a procrastinator of the highest order.  I think I got it from my father.  I hate things that have a timeline.  When I know I'm on a schedule, I futz around and hem and haw until the last minute.  I just hate parceling things out in logical chunks and working slowly and steadily.  It drives me batty.  I wait until the last possible second and then do it.  That's bad, bad, bad.

I celebrate my best quality by allowing myself the freedom to be dramatic.  Thankfully, my friends and relatives allow me that freedom, too.  If I'm just too much for them, they pull back and give me space, which works for all involved.  Sometimes I just need the time to soak in my own dramatics before I am fit for public consumption.  In order to adapt to my worst quality, I make "to do" lists.  I love lists and I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I can check off things on my list, so that helps.

Thanks for these, Rachel.  It was fun to answer them and it's always good to do a little introspection.

J's Question: Doug and Jackie Christie

So, J wanted to know how I feel about Doug and Jackie Christie.  Until today, I didn't know much about them, other than that he's a basketball player and she's his wife, so I didn't have any opinion.  But today, I saw them interviewed on The Tyra Banks Show.  Now, of course, I don't know either of them, so I can't really judge their relationship.  But, from what I saw today, they may not have the conventional ballplayer/wife relationship and I think that's probably for the best.  I wouldn't want to have that conventional relationship, either - there's no way I would sit idly by and watch the hos bombard my husband and grit my teeth while I spend his money.  I am not an insecure wife.  I trust my husband and love him and have no reason to think that he would cheat on me.  But if I knew he was in a situation where he was having coochie flung at him on the regular, would I make sure that I was nearby at all times?  Darn straight.

If what the Christies have work for them, more power to 'em.  I think people who badmouth them regularly are probably either jealous that they don't have as committed a relationship or are afraid that being compared to Doug Christie makes them look like the jackasses that they are.